A Not So Happy April Fools
by Once Upon An Avenger
Summary: April Fools harbors a hurtful past that Pepper has kept hidden her whole life. Pepper/Tony R&R!


**A Not So Happy April Fools**

It had been almost two months since Pepper had moved in with Tony. They still bickered sometimes about how Tony should be more responsible when it came to work and Pepper should lighten up about everything, but no worse than it had been before. Because now they knew that behind every criticism or remark was an _I Love You _hidden behind it.

All in all, things seemed to be going great.

Except for the fact that Tony couldn't find Pepper. Anywhere.

He looked all over his apartment, at the office, at her favorite bookstore down the street, and practically every coffee shop in the city of New York. But she was nowhere to be found.

He rode back to the house, a confused mess. He unlocked the doors when he arrived and barged in.

"JARVIS, any sign of Pepper?"

"No sir. Have you tried calling her?" Tony rolled his eyes.

"Only about a thousand and twenty seven times. Thanks, Sherlock."

"Any time sir." Tony walked through the house one more time, to make sure he hadn't missed her. He called her a few more times also, giving the same results. Suddenly, he bolted to the door. He had just thought of one more place to check.

He sped over to Pepper's apartment. She had still kept it, or at least he thought she did. He arrived and found the key hidden under the mat outside, letting himself in.

"Pepper?" He yelled. He noticed a few tissues littering the bed as he shut the door and the bathroom light on. A soft, whimpering noise was emitting from the closed door.

Pepper was definitely here. He walked over to the door and knocked softly.

"Pep, are you alright?" The crying stopped.

"Go away Tony," she called through the door, attempting to muffle her tears. Silence hung in the air, which only led to more whimpering from the other side of the door.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He tried. A brief silence and then he heard the toilet flush. Running water shot through the faucet and the door opened.

"Does it look like I want to talk about it?" She snapped, pushing past him and making her way to her fridge where she grabbed a bottle of water, swallowing it all in almost one sip.

"No, but I know that you probably need to. Is it something I did?" He asked. She through the bottle away and climbed back on the bed, hugging a pillow close to her chest. He sat next to her and she rest her head on him, hearing the Arc Reactor's soft hum. Little sniffles began to submerge again, and before either of them knew it, she was full on crying. He rubbed her back, whispering comforting words to her

Eventually she calmed down. "I'm sorry," she whispered, wiping away tears from her puffy eyes.

"Don't be. I don't mind at all." He rocked her a bit more before she took a deep breath and sat up.

"I suppose you want to know what's going on." He grabbed her hands and squeezed them.

"Only if you want me to know. I don't want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable, Pep."

"It's a long story," she said, hesitantly.  
"I've got time," he told her. She took a deep breath and began her story.

"It was a long time ago, long before you and I met. I was sixteen, drunk, and at a party with a bunch of friends. I was young and naïve and would believe just about anything anybody had told me. So before I knew it, I was in bed with a guy I barely even knew. Everything was cool after that. I mean, I was shocked of course, but nothing was seriously wrong.

"At least, that's what I thought until a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant." She had the most pitiful look in her eyes that Tony had to look away. He couldn't bear to see her like this. She was completely and utterly vulnerable, helpless, and ashamed.

"I freaked out," she wiped away a tear. "I couldn't even take care of myself. How was I supposed to take care of this little baby? No one was there to help me along. I told my foster parents, but all they cared about was the money they were getting to raise me. They told me it was my own fault, which was true, and that I would have to find a way to make it work.

"So I did. I studied harder than I ever had, got a job, and I was taking extra courses so I could finish high school faster. I told the father. Normally, he didn't want to have anything to do with it, but surprisingly, I was okay with that. I knew it was a big responsibility, raising a child at sixteen, but I was actually looking forward to it.

"This baby changed my life before it was barely a life itself. It gave me responsibly, it showed me my self-worth. It gave me hope. Hope that I had never had before. I knew that I had someone inside of me that was going to love me forever and unconditionally. Where else can you find something like that? I was finally going to be a mother."

She played with a clean tissue in her fingers, picking it apart. This was harder for her to tell than she imagined. Finally, she found the courage to continue.

"I was five months along. It was on this very day, April 1, years ago, that life didn't seem to have a point. I woke up in sheets full of blood. I was rushed to the hospital. The doctors told me I had lost the baby." She cried harder than before and he even let a tear or two fall. Not because he didn't care enough to cry with her, but because he cared enough to be strong for her.

"It was like life played a prank on me. A completely practical joke. It was like life said 'Here. Have this baby who will love you forever and call you Mommy and who you can give everything you never have been given. Someone who will finally love you. Oh, whoops. I'm just kidding! Happy April Fools. Did you really ever think you could be a Mom?'" She laughed an ironic laugh, but it was nothing but a cover for her pain. He held her.

"A part of me died that day, Tony. And I'm not just talking about the baby. The part of me who had any self-worth for myself. The part of me who had any form of hope. The part of me that loved. That girl, she died right along with the only thing I ever cared about.

"The only thing that kept me from killing myself was my drive. The overwhelming desire, no, it was a need, to prove to anyone that I would win this sick curve ball game life was throwing me and I would come out on top.

"I let a life slip right through my fingers. It's the worse feeling in the world. I was helpless and even worse, I was alone. But I made it. I pushed harder than before and went to college and got my job here.

"I guess I'm doing pretty well but I'm just waiting for something awful to happen that is going to put me right back on home plate. Ground zero."

"This is why you said you didn't want kids?" He asked her, not releasing her from his tight embrace.

"Yeah. This is why it's so hard for me to learn to love anything anymore. Because I'm waiting for it to be ripped away. This is why it's so hard for me to…" She paused, realizing what she was about to say.

"For you to what sweetheart?" She shook her head, burying it in his chest. "Pep?"

She peeled herself off of him, finding it unrealistically hard to look him straight in the face. "This is why it's so hard to tell you that…I think I might be pregnant." His face froze in shock.

"Come again?" A goofy smile spread across his face, relieving a bit of the tension. She nodded again and the smile spread wider. "Are you sure?"

"No." She shook her head. "But I've had all the symptoms for a week and I bought a test, I've just been too scared to use it and see for sure. I didn't know if you even wanted a baby."

"Potts, you listen to me." He cupped her face in his hands and looked in her eyes, comforting yet serious. "You losing that baby was _not_ your fault. Like you said, no one knows how to play life's sick, miserable game and sometimes things just happen that we can't explain. I don't have words to express the pain I feel for you and I can't say I understand, because I don't. But I can tell you one thing. You would have made the best mother and you in no way were responsible for the loss of your child. That baby would have loved you and have been so lucky to have you as a mother.

"As for you being pregnant now, I am beside you every step of the way. Whether you are pregnant or not, I will love you forever and support you no matter what." Smiling, she kissed him. No one had ever told her anything close to that. She finally felt wanted. She pulled herself off of his warm body, without a word, and walked into the bathroom. A few minutes later, she came out.

"Are you?" He asked. She walked over to him and sat on his lap. She nodded slowly, in mild shock. He smiled bright. "Are we happy about this?"

She seemed to consider this a moment. A man who she couldn't love more sat beside her, supporting her every decision, holding her hand the whole way and she had a baby on the way. She was going to be a mom.

A smile slowly crept onto her face.

"Yeah, I think we are."

**Epilogue**

A little over seven months later, Daniela Grace and Ellie Rose were born, two beautiful healthy baby girls. The first time Pepper held them, she knew that it was all worth it. Everything she went through, compared to that feeling of pride that she felt holding her two amazing baby girls, shrunk down to almost nothing.

She would always have the scars.

She would never be the same girl she was after she had lost her first child. She realized now, she had become stronger. Through the pain, through the sleepless nights, through the unbearable days when all she had wanted to do was die. All the odds would never be in her favor and she might never win. She accepted that.

But she was happy and maybe that was what winning was all about.

**The End!**

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